Shame in Business and Work

Shame isn’t something that gets talked about much in business, but it comes up more often than people realise.

In my work, it rarely shows up as someone saying, “I’m dealing with shame.” It’s usually more innocuous. People talk about feeling stuck, second-guessing themselves, or finding certain parts of their work harder than they think they should be.

When you spend enough time with it, you start to see what’s underneath some of those patterns.

What is Shame?

It’s useful to separate shame from guilt, because they’re often confused.

Guilt is usually about something you’ve done. A decision that didn’t work out, a mistake, something you’d handle differently next time. It can be uncomfortable, but it’s often quite practical. You learn from it and move on.

Shame is different. It’s more personal. Instead of focusing on the situation, it turns inward and becomes something about you. Not “that didn’t work,” but “maybe I’m not good at this” or “I shouldn’t be doing this in the first place.”

That shift changes how people respond. It tends to slow things down, or push people into overcompensating.

How It Shows Up at Work

Most of the time, shame doesn’t look like anything dramatic. It shows up in fairly ordinary ways.

I see people holding back from putting their work out there, even when they’re ready. Others take on work they already know isn’t quite right, because turning it down feels difficult. Some push themselves very hard, constantly raising the bar, but never quite feeling settled in what they’ve achieved.

It can also show up in how people respond to feedback, how they handle mistakes, or how long something stays with them after the fact.

None of this is unusual. In many cases, it’s just a pattern that’s been there for a long time.

How This Shows Up Over Time

This is something I’ve become more aware of over the years, partly through my own experience and partly through the people I work with.

I was diagnosed as dyslexic when I was younger, and school wasn’t always straightforward. There were periods of being misunderstood, and times where I was pushed in ways that didn’t really help. When that’s part of your early experience, it can shape how you see yourself, even if you’re not consciously thinking about it.

Later on, when I was working in Silicon Valley in my early twenties, things looked very different on the surface. Good salary, fast-moving environment, a lot of opportunity. But even then, there were moments where I noticed a pressure to prove myself, or a sense that I needed to keep up in a certain way.

I don’t think I would have called that shame at the time, but looking back, there was something there.

It’s one of the reasons I find this area interesting now. I see similar patterns in a lot of the people I work with. Different backgrounds, different industries, but a shared sense of having had to adapt early on, and still carrying some of that into how they work today.

Shame and Running a Business

When you’re running a business, things tend to become more exposed.

Your work is closely tied to you. The ideas you put out, the offers you create, the way you show up with clients, it’s all quite personal. That can make certain decisions feel bigger than they actually are.

I’ve worked with people who know what they want to build, but hesitate when it comes to putting it out into the world. Others move quickly, but from a place of pressure, trying to get everything right.

Both can come from a similar place. Not wanting to get it wrong in a way that feels personal.

Shame and Neurodivergence

This is something that often comes up with neurodivergent clients as well.

If you’ve spent time in environments that didn’t really fit how you work, school, early jobs, even parts of your career, it’s common to adapt. You find ways to manage, to keep up, to meet expectations.

That can work well on the surface, but it can also come with a lot of internal pressure. Over time, that can affect how you approach work, how you see your strengths, and how much space you give yourself to do things differently.

Understanding that background can be important. It helps make sense of patterns that otherwise just feel frustrating.

The Impact on Teams

Shame doesn’t just sit with individuals. It shows up in teams as well.

In environments where people don’t feel comfortable making mistakes or speaking openly, they tend to play it safe. They hold back ideas, avoid difficult conversations, and focus more on not getting things wrong than doing good work.

That has an impact over time. You lose a lot of energy, creativity, and honesty in the process.

From a leadership perspective, creating a space where people feel able to show up properly makes a real difference, not just to performance, but to how people experience their work.

Working With It

This isn’t something that shifts through willpower.

What seems to help is noticing it when it shows up. Paying attention to the moments that feel heavier than they need to, or where your response feels out of proportion to what’s actually happened.

From there, it’s about understanding it a bit more. Where it might have come from, what it’s trying to do, and whether it’s still useful.

That’s often where coaching can help. Having the space to talk things through, without needing to jump straight to a solution, usually brings a bit more clarity.

Why It Matters

Left unchecked, this tends to influence how people build their work.

You might avoid opportunities that are actually a good fit, or take on things that don’t really align. You might build a way of working that looks fine from the outside but doesn’t feel sustainable day to day.

When you start to see what’s going on more clearly, even in small ways, it opens up more choice in how you respond.

That’s usually where things begin to shift.

James O'Halloran

As a Business Coach I help Founders and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership. Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.