Understanding Modern Addictions: Insights from Gabor Maté’s “Hungry Ghosts”

In his book Hungry Ghosts, Gabor Maté, a former GP in Canada and now an expert on trauma, shares his experience of working for 20 years in downtown Canada, treating people addicted to substances like heroin and crystal meth. He paints a vivid picture of his day treating addicts, but he also delves into a surprising personal realisation — he had an ‘acceptable’ addiction, but an addiction nonetheless.

While Gabor was helping his patients, all he could think about was getting to the music shop and purchasing the latest classical composition. His addiction to buying music CDs may seem innocuous compared to heroin, but he realised it had the very same grip on him. His compulsiveness affected his life in unhealthy ways, particularly in his relationships with his wife and children.

Redefining Addiction

Gabor Maté’s definition of addiction broadened my understanding of what addiction really is:

“Any behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in, but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up.”

This definition encourages us to think beyond the traditional ideas of addiction, such as drugs or alcohol, and to consider the subtler, everyday compulsions we may struggle with.

What Are You Addicted To?

When we hear the word “addiction,” we often think of substances like drugs or alcohol. But, according to Gabor’s broader definition, many of us may be addicted to something we wouldn’t normally label as harmful. So, ask yourself: What would you find real difficulty living without?

Here are some common modern addictions:

Thinking: Most of us are guilty of ruminating, compulsively overthinking, and yet much of it is useless or even harmful.
Checking your phone: Social media, messaging, or just ‘doing’ something on your phone. Try going a day without it… or even an hour.
Coffee or tea: Caffeine is a socially accepted addiction, but many of us rely on it far more than we realise.
Alcohol: For some, it’s a weekend habit; for others, it may be a deeper reliance.
Sex: Often overlooked as an addiction, but it can have unhealthy compulsive elements.
Sport/Gym/Exercise: While beneficial, it can also become an obsessive compulsion.
Listening to music, podcasts, or the radio: Always needing to have some background noise can be a sign of avoidance.
Food: Emotional eating, cravings, or using food as a coping mechanism.

Are These Addictions Harmless?

You might think some of these addictions are harmless. After all, checking your phone or having your daily cup of coffee doesn’t necessarily cause overt damage, right?

But here’s the thing: anything we are addicted to, driven by, or compulsively need to do is a way of avoiding pain. It’s an escape from feeling. When we’re constantly distracted by these addictions, we’re running towards’, but also running away from something else.

Why We Can't Heal Without Feeling

As Gabor Maté explains, we can’t heal what we don’t feel. This means that every time we indulge in our addictions — no matter how small or “harmless” they seem — we’re numbing ourselves to the deeper pain or discomfort that lies underneath.

But the real work begins when we start to inquire into what that ‘something else’ is. What are we running from? The journey of understanding our modern addictions is worthwhile, but it requires gentleness. It’s important to go easy on yourself, get support, and talk to someone who can hold space for you — a therapist, coach, or a good, non-judgmental friend. Talk about your struggles with someone who makes you feel safe and respected.

Small Steps Toward Breaking the Cycle

In the meantime, one small but effective step you can take is to delay your addiction by a few minutes. For example, when you feel the urge to check Instagram, see if you can hold off for just one minute. If you manage to resist for that one minute, congratulate yourself! It’s important to acknowledge and celebrate that moment of conscious awareness — after all, you’ve taken a step toward breaking the habit. Keep going…

Embrace Awareness and Keep Going

Addiction doesn’t always look like what we expect. By redefining what it means to be addicted and becoming more aware of the small compulsions in our lives, we can start to see the role these habits play in our avoidance of pain. Whether it’s thinking, phone use, caffeine, or other daily distractions, understanding our modern addictions is the first step toward healing.

Remember to go gently, celebrate small victories, and seek support. Awareness is key, and with time, we can start to feel and heal.

James O'Halloran

As a Business Coach I help Founders* and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership. Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.