How to Stop a Habit: Breaking the Cycle

Achieving is great!
But what about un-achieving? Or un-learning?

As a coach who is deeply invested in both my own and my clients’ performance, I’ve found that reaching new levels of success sometimes means saying goodbye to old habits. Out with the old and in with the new. But what happens when “the old” is something as ingrained as a thought or an automatic behaviour? Something so small and seemingly harmless, like pulling your phone out when you’re bored or grabbing a piece of chocolate when you’re stressed.

These are not easy habits to break, but it is possible. I know because I’ve been there.

The Chocolate Conundrum: My Journey with Breaking a Habit

Let me take you back to my own experience with chocolate. I love it, Tony’s Chocolonely Dark Almond Sea Salt is the fave’. And, for me, it must come straight from the fridge and snap and crunch in the mouth. Yummm!

But over time, I noticed that my love for chocolate was becoming a bit too much of a good thing. Eating chocolate had become my go-to whenever I felt tired, anxious, or overwhelmed.

The problem wasn’t just the chocolate. It was the impact it was having on my energy, my mood, and even my sleep. The sugar and caffeine were sending me on a rollercoaster of highs and lows, and I knew I had to stop.

But breaking that habit was tricky. Others still enjoyed chocolate, so I couldn’t just remove it from the house. And before I knew it, I’d find myself in the fridge, halfway through a bar before I even realised what I was doing.

So, how do you stop something that’s automatic?

The Power of Awareness: Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response

What I realised was this: there was no space between the thought (“I need chocolate”) and the action (eating the chocolate). My brain had created such a strong link between the two that I was acting before I had a chance to think. The key to breaking this habit was to create a gap between that initial urge and the response.

This is the same principle that applies to any habit. Whether it’s checking your phone, biting your nails, or scrolling social media when you should be working. The goal is to increase awareness and create that gap where you can and then make a different choice.

How to Break the Habit Loop: My Method

For me, the solution was simple but effective (and yes, a little brutal). The next time I found myself eating chocolate, I made a rule: I had to walk over to the bin, spit the chocolate out, rinse my mouth with water, and spit that out too. Yes, it sounds harsh, and yes, it felt like a waste of perfectly good chocolate. But it worked.

I only had to do it once or twice before my brain got the message: we’re not doing this anymore.

Step-by-Step Guide: Breaking Any Habit

You might not be trying to give up chocolate, but the principle is the same for any habit. Whether it’s a thought pattern or an action, here’s how you can break the cycle:

1. Identify the Trigger

The first step to breaking a habit is understanding what triggers it. Is it boredom, stress, or anxiety? Are there specific times of day when the habit happens more frequently? Spend a few days observing when and why the habit kicks in.

2. Create Awareness in the Moment

Once you’ve identified the trigger, the next step is to increase awareness in the moment. The goal is to catch yourself before you engage in the habit or, at the very least, right when you realise you’re doing it. This awareness is critical because it gives you the power to choose a different response.

3. Introduce a New Response

When you feel the urge to engage in the habit, consciously choose a new action. If you find yourself reaching for your phone when you’re bored, put it away immediately, even if you’re mid-scroll. If you’re tempted to eat something unhealthy, try drinking a glass of water first. The key is to interrupt the automatic behaviour and replace it with something healthier.

Strategies to help you succeed

Breaking a habit isn’t about willpower alone. It’s about building systems and strategies that help you succeed over time. Here are some techniques to support you:

1. Make the Bad Habit Harder to Engage In

If you want to break a habit, make it more difficult to do. In my case, I couldn’t remove chocolate from the house as others were enjoying it, but I could buy chocolate that they liked but I don’t. If your phone is an issue you might want to limit access to your phone by keeping it in a different room or installing apps that help you manage screen time. If your habit involves snacking, consider reorganising your kitchen to make unhealthy options harder to reach or agreeing with yourself not to snack between 9 and 11am for example.

2. Replace the Habit with Something Positive

One of the best ways to break a habit is to replace it with a new one. Instead of focusing on what you’re trying to stop, think about what you want to start. For example, if you tend to snack when you’re stressed, try replacing that habit with a short walk, a breathing exercise, or a healthier snack option. The key is to find something that gives you the same feeling of satisfaction without the negative consequences.

At another point in my life I managed to stop eating chocolate by eating Salt & Vinegar crisps. This helped me break the habit of eating chocolate and I don’t find crisps addictive so that just tapered out. I’ve heard of people switching to eating lolly pops when giving up smoking and it’s really worked for them.

3. Use Positive Reinforcement

Reward yourself for making progress, no matter how small. Celebrating small wins can help reinforce the new habit and keep you motivated. Whether it’s acknowledging that you resisted temptation for the day or treating yourself to something you enjoy (that isn’t linked to the habit), positive reinforcement is key to staying on track. It releases Dopamine into your system and this feels good. It’s often Dopamine that drives these habits anyway so releasing it in a healthy way prevents you going cold turkey.

Dealing with Setbacks: What to Do When You Slip Up

Breaking a habit is hard, and setbacks are part of the process. When you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, treat it as an opportunity to learn.

1. Reflect on What Happened

When you find yourself falling back into the habit, take a moment to reflect on what triggered it. Was it stress, boredom, or fatigue? Understanding the cause can help you prevent it from happening again. Identifying the fatigue, for example, before the habit kicks in will enable you to be more choiceful.

2. Get Back on Track

The most important thing is to get back on track as quickly as possible. If you’ve eaten the chocolate, don’t dwell on it—spit it out (if you’re bold like me!) and move on. The key is not to let one slip turn into a full return to the old habit.

Your Turn: What Habit Do You Want to Break?

Now it’s your turn to reflect. What habit do you want to stop? Is it something physical, like snacking mindlessly or checking your phone too often? Or is it internal, like procrastination or negative self-talk?

Ask Yourself:

Do you really want to stop this habit?
Are you willing to put in the work and, metaphorically, spit out the chocolate when necessary?
What new habit can you replace the old one with?

Remember, breaking a habit takes time, but it’s absolutely possible with the right approach.

Good luck, and here’s to weeding out the bad habits and building better ones!

James

James O'Halloran

As a Business Coach I help Founders* and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership. Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.