How to Choose the Right Therapy

COVID has forced many of us to spend more time with our partners, family, kids, or alone with ourselves. Thus has led to a heightened awareness of how out-of-balance our inner and outer worlds can become.

These days, I’m quite open about the amount of therapy I’ve had. As a result, I often get asked for advice and opinions. Here’s what I typically share…

Why I Recommend Therapy, Counseling, and Coaching

Let me be clear: I 100% recommend therapy (psychotherapy), counseling, and coaching.
However, figuring out where to start and who to work with can be tricky.

We are all unique when it comes to resolving our personal challenges, much like our fingerprints. While recommendations from friends can be helpful, I strongly suggest meeting with at least three professionals before deciding who to work with.

Choose the person who ‘feels’ right, the one who evokes something important or challenging in a healing way.

Feeling Unsure? Start Here

If you’re on the fence about seeking help or feel apprehensive, I recommend reading Counseling for Toads. It’s a fantastic book that might help ease some of your fears. Feeling scared is perfectly normal. Your mind and ego have worked hard to keep you “safe”, and the idea of opening up can feel threatening.

What the Research Says: It's About the Connection

Surprisingly, research on the effectiveness of therapy reveals that the type of therapy (Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, CBT, Internal Family Systems or counseling etc) is less important than how much you connect with the therapist.

Yes, it might sound strange, but how “attractive” or relatable you find the therapist can significantly impact your success. If you broaden the idea of “attractiveness” to include confidence in their role and ability, this starts to make sense.

Working with someone who believes in themselves and their practice is key. Confidence often comes with experience, but don’t overlook a younger therapist or coach who might intuitively “get” you.

What About Coaching?

You might wonder why I mention coaching alongside psychotherapy and counseling. Here’s why:

As part of my coach training, I studied various therapy methods, including Gestalt, Transactional Analysis (TA), and CBT. Although coaching, psychotherapy, and counseling differ in certain ways, they share important commonalities:

Confidential Relationship: All involve a one-to-one professional relationship where openness and honesty are essential.
Safe Space: They provide a private, intimate, and confidential space to explore everything from minor frustrations to deep-seated fears.

Long-Term Engagement: Sessions can happen weekly, fortnightly, or monthly, often continuing for months or even years until the issue is resolved.

Therapy vs. Coaching: What's the Difference?

While therapy often focuses on healing past trauma, coaching is more future-oriented, aiming to help you achieve your full potential. That said, my coaching often delves into therapeutic territory, and addressing a future goal can sometimes resolve past fears.

For instance, I once worked with a client to overcome his fear of public speaking, which unexpectedly resolved his fear of flying as part of the process we undertook. Confidence and fear are universal, and they manifest differently but stem from similar roots.

‘A rising tide lifts all boats’ is something I often quote to clients. What I mean is; if you overcome fear or gain confidence (often two sides of the same coin) this change is available to all other areas of your life. For example, as a kid, when I finally learned to swim I also felt more confident in school and around friends.

Choosing the Right Professional: It’s About Chemistry

In my experience, the effectiveness of therapy, counseling, or coaching often comes down to the individual professional and how well their approach suits you. Whether you choose Gestalt, EMDR, TA, CBT, or another method, the “chemistry” between you and the practitioner is crucial.

If you haven’t tried therapy before, I recommend meeting with at least three professionals. Choose the one who delivers the most value during your initial sessions. It’s not necessarily the one with the most qualifications or experience, trust your instincts.

Final Thoughts: Trust Your Gut

If your intuition is already finely tuned, you may find that the first person you meet feels right. Therapy, counseling, or coaching can be a rich and rewarding journey, even if parts of it are challenging. In the end, you’ll feel more balanced, whole, and free.

Good luck!

— James

James O'Halloran

As a Business Coach I help Founders* and those in Career Transition unlock problems and increase self-mastery so that they are confident in their direction and leadership. Through Career and Business Coaching, I help people who want to disrupt the(ir) status quo.