Do you ever feel like someone “made you feel” a certain way? It’s a common experience. For example, imagine someone cuts you off in traffic, and you immediately get angry. You might think (or say):, “Bad drivers make me feel so angry!”
But what about those days when you’re in a great mood? The same situation might not bother you at all, you’d roll with it. This leads to an important realisation: No one can truly make you feel anything.
The Myth of Others Controlling Our Emotions
At first, it’s hard to accept that others don’t control our emotions, especially when it feels like they do.
For instance, if someone threatens you, it seems natural to think, “That person made me feel scared!” But what if you were already in a state of mind where fear wasn’t your response? Would it still have the same effect?
The truth is, nobody can directly control your emotions. They can only trigger reactions that are already within you, waiting to be activated.
How Triggers and Reactions Work
So, what’s happening when we feel triggered?
At best; all anyone can do is light the fuse. The ‘explosion’ (of anger, sadness, pain, happiness) happens within us as a reaction to the lighting of the fuse or pulling of the ‘trigger’.
Nobody can reach into our brain and tamper with our hormones and neurochemicals and ‘make us feel’.
If you ‘light the fuse’ of a highly experienced meditator —let’s say a Buddhist monk who meditated for decades. Someone might shout at the monk, punch him, they might steal from him or promise to do something and then not do it.
They ‘light the fuse’ that in many people would cause an ‘explosive’ reaction but in the monk, he’d just smile and let it go. He’s trained himself not to have expectations or reactions.
I am using this example to illustrate that even under stimulus that most people would agree would make a person angry the monk is not.
Why Emotional Discomfort Can Help Us Grow
When we experience difficult emotions, we often try to avoid them, and we might distract ourselves with food, social media, shopping, or even blaming others. But avoidance doesn’t solve the root cause.
Conflict can be a powerful teacher. It helps us understand where our pain originates from, and reveals areas of our life where we need boundaries or personal growth. It can even highlight old patterns of thinking or beliefs that no longer serve us.
Managing Emotional Triggers as a Business Owner
For business owners, emotional triggers can be especially challenging. Running a business often means dealing with stressful situations, managing people, and facing unexpected setbacks. These pressures can increase our emotional reactions, which makes it important to develop awareness and strategies to manage them.
1. Recognising Triggers in the Workplace
As a business owner, it’s important to understand what triggers you in a professional context. Whether it’s a missed deadline, a difficult client, or a team member’s mistake, these events can set off your emotions. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward managing your reactivity more effectively.
Ask yourself:
- What situations consistently cause me stress or frustration?
- How do I typically respond, and how does that affect my team or business?
2. How emotional reactions impact leadership
Your reaction to situations or events that trigger you doesn’t just affect you, it can influence your business and the people you lead. Emotional outbursts, even if ‘justified’, can undermine trust and create an environment of uncertainty.
When you handle difficult situations with a higher level of emotional intelligence, you set an example for your team and create a positive work culture and environment. If you’re struggling with this, James can help.
3. Turning Triggers into Opportunities for Growth
Every trigger is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and your business. If a specific issue keeps surfacing, for example, feeling overwhelmed by client demands or frustrated by employee performance, it might point to an area where adjustments are needed.
Use your triggers to:
- Improve communication: Address the root causes of miscommunication or unmet expectations.
- Set better boundaries: If you’re feeling overextended, consider where you can delegate or say no.
- Reflect on leadership: How can you better support your team and yourself in handling stress?
As a business coach, I can guide you and provide insights into this with you. Get in touch if you would like to discuss any of these aspects further.
Steps to Take When You’re Emotionally Triggered
When emotions flare up, it’s important to handle the situation constructively. Here are a few practical steps:
1. Talk to Someone You Trust
Share your experience with someone you trust — whether it’s a friend, therapist, or coach. Choose someone who won’t judge you, but will help you unpack your emotions and triggers.
2. Apologise if Necessary
If your reaction negatively impacted someone else, it’s okay to apologise. Sometimes, simply explaining that you were triggered can help the other person understand your perspective. Even if time has passed, it’s never too late to extend an apology.
3. Use These Communication Tools
When discussing your triggers, use these phrases to express your emotions clearly and avoid blaming others:
- “I felt [upset] when you [didn’t respond to my message].”
- “The story I told myself was that… [you didn’t value my time].”
These statements allow you to take responsibility for your emotions while still communicating how the other person’s actions may have triggered you.
Learning to Master Emotional Reactions
Understanding emotional triggers on an intellectual level is one thing, but fully embodying this awareness takes time. Our conditioned reactions run deep, and they can take repetition to unlearn and practice to re-learn more effective behaviours.
Be patient with yourself. It’s important not to get discouraged when you react in ways you’d prefer not to. Instead of beating yourself up, celebrate the moments when you recognise your reaction. This awareness is an important first step in rewiring your emotional responses.
Final Thoughts: Navigating Emotional Triggers with Awareness
Triggers are a part of life, but they don’t have to dictate your emotions. By recognising your reactions, being kind to yourself, and working to unlearn old patterns, you can navigate difficult situations with greater ease and understanding.
For business owners, the stakes can feel especially high when emotions get involved. However, by becoming aware of your triggers and consciously working to manage them, you can create a healthier work environment, build stronger relationships, and lead with confidence and clarity.
Remember, nobody can make you feel anything. The power to choose your emotional response is yours. Having said that this work can be hard, painful and slow. I can help you gain perspective and devise methods to manage yourself and your emotional outbursts (even if they are kept inside).
